my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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