I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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