your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
