I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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