Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
