hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
