so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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