True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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