you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
