did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
