420 ftw
4 words: hood of his car
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So here I am, sexting at work.
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