you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
