Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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