I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
