i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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