i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
