I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
