Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
