I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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