That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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