that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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