True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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