He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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