Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
