i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
