I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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