Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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