im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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