Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
