i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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