I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
