My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
