she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
