and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
