did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
