I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
