We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
