Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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