The maid of honor just puked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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