Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
