**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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