Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
