i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
