I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
