Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
