When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
