I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
