Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
