i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
