yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
