ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
