ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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