Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
